And, I choose to be free. . .

Harshitha D. Kumayaa

The smell of Dada's perfume spread across the hallway as he passed by, to leave for work. Niki and I jump out of our study as we heard the thud of the door being shut. That was happiness.

Not that I didn’t love him. Not that he was a terrible dad. Yet, his absence made me feel a lot lighter. The sound of that door felt like kicking off stilettos after reaching home. A huge sigh of relief. Though my little brother was there at home, we didn’t engage in any conversations.A sense of loneliness begins to kick in at that instant.

 Being a 20 year old girl living off her parents’ resources, I couldn’t afford to have an option to live alone. So, I tried to optimally use the space I had or rather, the space I was given.

My family loves to bond and participate in every aspect in each other’s lives. Being a loner, moments of utter bliss were hence the short durations in the toilet, warm showers and the drowsy minutes before falling asleep.

Like a blanket, loneliness wraps around me, as the sound of people talking becomes incoherent background music. I drown in my thoughts. An echo  reverberates within me. The thoughts aren’t complex ideas, but are flashes of memories, random thoughts about things that might possibly never happen

Happiness is predominantly a sense of relief when left alone.With impeccable social and communication skills as a part of my resume, it is usually a surprise for many that I cherish solitude. Finding peace in a serene place is too mainstream. The bustling city streets sometimes serve to be a much better source of solitude. Getting lost in a crowd seems so much better than a Sunday’s family meal.

 Probably, years of living with an overprotective dad makes every second of seclusion celebratory. Happiness is when I am all by myself. Happiness is when I free myself from the clutches of the chaotic world. “You are a strong independent woman”, I repeat over and over in my head, to reassure that I don’t end up being my mother, tamed by love and care.