This one's for y'all

I was three-years-old when I first saw my father being violent. It was around 2pm and he was taking his afternoon nap in his room. My mom was trying to put me to sleep in the hall. I lay on her lap bloody bored. I tried my best to move away from her and play. Did I mention that my dad gets furious even if there is the slightest noise while he sleeps? Well, now I guess you can get a picture of what might have happened following this.

That was the first time I was physically abused as well. The intensity only became higher as the years passed by.

23 and still the scars remain. 

The last attack about a few months ago. You might have read it in my previous blog. Well, I am not writing this personal account today to gain sympathy. Nor do I yearn for your empathetic reactions. I am not even sure if anyone might read this post. However, I have a reason to pour out today. 

Indian households have a high tendency to be abusive due to the larger social construct created and retained over the years. There are several factors that have made the sustenance of this toxic set-up possible.

If your mom thinks beating you up would make you a better child or if your dad thinks to yell at you or your mom is the right way to "discipline" the family, it is not just their individual behaviour, but one that is rooted in our culture and system. 

Patriarchy, male chauvinistic ideologies, religion, caste, gender stereotypes, and their upbringing are a few of these factors. There might even be mental factors, such as in the case of a parent who is mentally unwell and needs helps. 

These are just a few aspects that lead to abuse and neglect. 

I am no psychologist. In fact, I need to heal as well.  However, I have been doing a lot of research to understand myself better and get closure.

I am uploading this post hoping that you observe the situation at your home or even the homes of your loved ones, understand and identify if there is any toxicity present. In this process, it is important to understand, abuse and manipulation needn't only be perpetrated by the male figure, it could be anyone. However, in a patriarchal set-up such as ours, it tends to be men most of the time.

Identifying in itself is a big step. Domestic abuse can be so ingrained and a part of one's life that some might not even take note of it. Some even develop their own coping mechanisms to deal with it and lead a regular life by ignoring the elephant in the room. However, this might not work out in the longer run. I hope you take a few minutes for yourself to understand and reflect. Just wanted to put this out there.